It doesn't annoy me if you call them "The Oscars." I swear....

Welcome to the first installment of Sucktacular, your semi-weekly glimpse into the lack of anything important to you and oh-so-very important to me! Expect to see lots of musing about movies that even I can't believe I watched, superheroes near and dear to my heart, TV shows that are so important to me that I don't even have cable and other assorted drama (probably of the whiny relationship kind).

To get us rolling, this week the Academy Award nominations were released. And the only surprises were of the “meh” variety. The nominations can be found here, officially: http://www.oscar.com/nominees/?pn=nominees or if you would prefer, unofficially (and slightly retardedly) http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/redcarpet/2009_oscars/index.html.

Of the Best Picture nominees, I have already seen Milk (good...maybe not best picture good… but definitely good. And for political correctness sake, I have NOTHING ELSE TO SAY.), and Slumdog Millionaire (which I kind of loved, but I can't really figure out why…maybe I miss "Who wants to be a Millionaire"? It was probably the dance number at the end. Everything is better with a dance number.) I saw Frost/Nixon on Broadway with the same cast last year on a somewhat non-terrifying date, so I kind of think that should count as seeing that one. It was very cold in the theater and there wasn't enough legroom. Broadway is not meant for the tall folk. I keep hearing conflicting reviews for Benjamin Button, but I will definitely be checking it out before the awards. I really used to like the director, David Fincher (also nominated). And yes, you CAN read this as "I really liked Fight Club. HURR." Thanks for asking. I'm really surprised to see The Reader nominated, even though I have been kind of dying to see it. Too bad I just know that the entire freaking city is feeling the same exact way, and I will get stuck jammed into the middle of a row at the one decrepit theater actually showing it, most definitely right next to some horrifying specimen partaking of a large popcorn and a vat of Diet Coke. Oh, and please, please, please let them reach out to grasp my arm in horror at the atrocities in the film, leaving greasy spots on my sleeve. That would make my weekend.

Honestly, I am a little surprised to see the (pretty much) complete shut out of Revolutionary Road, in all the "important" categories. (Ok... not Best Supporting actor... and Michael Shannon was REALLY good, but come on man, he ain't gonna win...because Zombie Heath Ledger has to lumber on stage to accept his award by growling “more brains!”) I did truly think it deserved nominations for both Kate Winslet and Leonardo Dicaprio. I thought they were both excellent, and really captured both the time period and the soul-sucking horror of marriage amazingly well. And speaking of soul sucking horror: I sat through this movie TWICE, since I was convinced that it was going to be the #1 contender this year. Sigh. It was really well done, though… just amazingly depressing, which is probably what killed its chances. And some of the best stuff in the movie was so subtle that I figured it was a shoo-in. (In the climax of the movie, you can actually see Leonardo Dicaprio’s heart break on screen, three different times… in three completely different ways. Just like in a REAL marriage.)

A few comments about some of the other nominations:

- Anne Hathaway really deserved her nomination solely for playing the role of “EVERY SINGLE GIRL I HAVE EVER DATED EVER,” (And: oh, how I wish I was just making this up for the Funny…)

- Mickey Rourke was really good although I had to out myself to a whole bunch of people as a former WWF viewer (which was less good ) (and now I might have done it to more…. ) (oh, who am I kidding. 3 people will be reading this… maybe. If I send the link to my mom….)

- I like that Angelina Jolie was nominated for a movie that was written by the creator of Babylon 5.

- I actually saw Kung Fu Panda. It was a “Real” Kung Fu movie, which was kinda neat-o. And the copy I watched had the sound slightly out of sync, which kind of added to this experience.

- I’m kind of depressed that M.I.A. couldn’t be nominated for best song (for Slumdog Millionaire) because I think it would have been funny to hear all the Hipsters cheer in my building when they came on stage

- There is actually an animated short nominated with the title Lavatory Lovestory. I really have nothing to say about this.

- The category that I honestly would be happy for ANYONE nominated to win is Best Supporting Actor. Every single one of those performances was exceptional. Of course they will all have to bow down before the unstoppable onslaught of ZOMBIE HEATH LEDGER (Yes, I just wanted to reference this again. I don’t’ care that it is in HORRIBLE taste.) (Besides, the Joker would think it were funny) (Ummm… if he were real.) (Which I know he isn’t) (in spite of anything I may have said to the contrary)

Running off to hunt down ALL the Documentary Shorts, because my life can not possibly be complete if I don’t see EVERYTHING. Besides: Smile Pinki is one of the titles. How can I possibly resist??? The crushing weight of my responsibility to the Academy is a burden that only I can bear.